Coachella 2012

Though it's been a few weeks, I still cannot get the amazing experience that was Coachella out of my head. Before going, many people told me that this would be a life-changing experience, and though I knew it would be a phenomenal time, I had no idea it would this incredible. First the bad: Yes, it was sweltering hot and the afternoons felt like being in an oven. Yes, I could not even see the stage when Snoop Dogg and crew were up. Yes, it was incredibly frustrating when two favorite bands were on at the same time or security took so long we missed most of Gotye. At the end of the day, though, none of that really mattered. Yes, the festival is all about the bands and music, but the most impressive thing of all is the people. The masses of people interacting, singing and dancing, everyone having a good time and no one fighting or being rude. It was awe-inspiring that so many people could gather in one spot and get along so harmoniously. Okay, I know I sound like a hippie, but it is a music festival afterall.

And speaking of hippies, the fashion was awesome. It was a blast dressing up in feathers, bright eye shadow, fringe and layers of bracelets. In fact, I still have yet to get over my sixties moment. My favorite acts were The Black Keys, Florence & the Machine, Radiohead, Justice, Feist, tune yards, Girl Talk, Miike Snow, SHM and Bon Iver. I highly recommend saving up and making time to attend a music festival like this no matter what your taste in music. It honestly made me love the world a little more.

[[Our ride from L.A. to Indio. Someone at the rental car place definitely got fired for this]]

[[First In-N-Out experience. Verdict: Burgers = yum, fries = lame]]

[[Standard plane outfit]]

[[Outfit Day 1]]

[[Outfit Day 2]]

No outfit pics from Day 3 :(

[[Alien wind turbines]]

[[Hope to see you soon, California]]

Irresponsibly Traversing the Country

I'm a little upset with myself for the tone of my last post. I sound so morose sometimes! In my defense, though, I had just gone over my taxes for the first time (hello, procrastination) and was in the midst of a total financial meltdown. As one former freelancer to current freelancers, for god's sake, file quarterly. AND KEEP EVERY RECEIPT EVER. However, a few months ago, before taxes even crossed my mind, I planned a few fun trips and though it would have been nice to have more cash on hand now, I'm glad I did because I won't be seeing a vacation for a very long while.

My traveling spree started with a bachelorette party in Key West for a girlfriend I have known since high school. It's mind boggling how much time flies. It's already been SEVEN years since I graduated highschool. How did that happen? It feels like it could have been yesterday! Anyway, it was such a blast and exactly what I needed and despite the absence of a certain exotic dancer named Romeo and the monsoon that ensued the second I arrived, I think the bride-to-be was very pleased.

Next up was a a work trip to Denver for a one-day conference. We flew in late on a Monday and after many, many hours of delays, didn't reach the hotel until 12:30am. We flew out Wednesday morning so all that left was Tuesday night for exploring Denver. Needless to say I did not get to see very much, but did enjoy some cocktails and conversation with coworkers I had never met in person. Somehow all my photos got deleted, so unfortunately I don't have much to share, but I highly recommend the Hotel Teatro in downtown Denver. And, request a room with a bath tub, I did manage to get two swims in and they were totally worth the flight drama alone.

The next adventure on the agenda is weekend two of Coachella. I have a secret obsession with California so I am very glad to be heading back out there. I just hope the second weekend lives up to the hype of the first! Hopefully the next time I'm writing about vacation it will be of the European nature!

Six Months.

It's hard to believe it has been nearly six months since I last posted. It's strange that so much time has passed, how much has changed and how much, regretfully, remains the same. I'm back in Texas, turns out New York just wasn't where I was supposed to be, and to be honest, it's almost like I never left. Like those six months I was in New York were just a dream. Or a nightmare depending on how you look at it.

Last time I wrote, I had just gotten my heart broken in a completely expected, logical maneuver. I think it hurt more because it was so reasonable. Maybe that's also the reason why it still feels so raw even many months later. To me, reason and relationships are like oil and water. I always imagined love to be this all-consuming, can't-live-without-each-other, beyond all reason type of emotion. I used to believe in soul mates. More and more I'm realizing that this probably isn't a very healthy or realistic approach. Passion can only be one part of the equation for a healthy, sustainable relationship.

Anyway, like I said, many things have changed: new people in my life, new reasons to be happy, a beautiful new apartment, new opportunities; but many things have also stayed the same. I still have this unshakeable feeling of being stuck and no matter how many times I move or how many changes I make, I'm still in suspension. And this goes for where I am in life and my writing. I don't know where to go from where I am. And while the sense of possibility is somewhat exhilarating, I'm also more than ready to move in a more concrete direction. I just wish I new what direction that was, but I guess I've never been very good at navigating.

Of course, I have plenty to be happy about, I just wish I would let myself enjoy them more. In some correspondence (On which I am constantly behind and I know, I'm a terrible person for it) with my former writing professor we talked about emotions affecting writers more than the average bear, and while this might just be an excuse for why I personally can't get a grip on everything, I think there really might be something to that. Maybe that's why we have this constant need to express ourselves, maybe without writing it all down we'd literally overflow with everything we're feeling. But maybe I'm just being a whiny baby. So many possibilities, so little answers.

So that's where I'm at. Some things are good, some things leave more to be desired, but on the whole, despite the melancholy tone of this post (blame tax season), I think I could be on the brink of a very great time in my life and I just hope I can see it all through until I get there.

That, Which I Cannot Change, or, Be Happy

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately, as one does when anything ends, and I've come to a few conclusions:

One, I am unnecessarily hard on myself. Always. About anything. I can turn just about anything into my fault, even when there's no fault involved. I can be rather pragmatic when I want to be, but somehow when the you-know-what hits the fan, it's always me. But it's really not.

Second, I need to realize that sometimes, bad things happen for no reason at all and to just LET. IT. GO. I cannot fix everything, I cannot carry everyone's problems on my shoulders and there are some things in this world I simply cannot change. All I have control over is myself (most of the time...) and all I can do is respond the best I can manage to other's actions.

Third, I need to just let myself be happy and stop over-thinking it. I've said this before, but just because everything isn't going perfectly, that's no reason to let it ruin everything else. Also, as a sort of a bullet point to this, I need to not worry about what other people are going to think and just do what makes me happy. It seems like such a simple concept, but I feel like I waste a lot of time trying to convince other people of my decisions when, really, my opinion is the one that counts the most.

In the spirit of perking myself up and not sweating That, Which I Cannot Change here is my list of things that make me Terribly Happy (inspired by Taza and Husband)

1. Writing. I never feel better than when I'm writing. It doesn't matter what it is, but I feel like everything is right in my world when I can put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard).

2. Getting lost in a really, really good book.

3. New York in the fall. There's nothing like the crisp air, the excitement that encapsulates the city or a stroll through Central Park while enjoying the foliage before the real chill sets in.

4. The thrill of a new adventure. Whether it's something as dramatic as moving or a vacation or something simple like a hike, there's nothing more awesomely, can't-sit-still exciting than going somewhere else for a while. Bonus points if it involves an airplane, though.

5. Running further than I thought I would be able to. As I've mentioned, I just adore running.

6. Finding a song that just gets how you're feeling so much it feels like it was written for you.

7. Spending time with great friends. I'm so lucky to know the people I know, particularly my best friend Jess, and there really is nothing like a great night on the town (or staying in!) with your favorite people.

8. Dogs. They are just so adorable and loyal and have such great personalities. As an extension of this, also just animals in general especially if they are cute and silly like pandas, lion cubs, etc. Probably should have been a zoologist if I didn't despise cleaning animal poo so much.

9. Really good food. I love to eat; it's easily the high point of my day. I also love to cook and think wine is one of the world's greatest pleasures.

10. The beach. I never feel so good about life and the world in general than when I'm at the beach. It makes me feel about as important as a grain of sand, but in a good marveling-at-something-much-bigger-than-me type of way. I also never feel more in touch with myself than when my toes are in the sand and the sea breeze is running through my hair.

11. Spending time by myself. This is one of the greatest luxuries I allow myself. Whether it's going out to dinner, going to the movies, shopping, wandering around town or just staying at home relaxing, I'm not sure if this is a good thing to say, but sometimes I love my own company more than anyone else's. I LOVE living alone.

12. Falling in love. No matter how many times it doesn't work out for me, I'll always be a huge champion of love. I am unapologetically a hopeless romantic and I will never stop believing that there is someone special out there for me even if I am 86 and still single.

13. Thunder storms. 

What makes you terribly happy?

A Love Story

Like with most other endeavors in life, when you start a run you do so with certain goals in mind. How far will you run? What will your pace be? Straight shot or with sprints? Before your feet even hit the pavement, you've already visualized the run you would like to have. Maybe it's presumptuous, maybe its naive, maybe its down right stupid to believe you know exactly how the next hour of your life is going to go, but it doesn't matter, because you know you can do it. So you start.

Those first few strides always make me laugh. No matter how much I've been training, those first strides are always a little bit shaky, almost like my body is asking, "Do you really want to do this?" But, you're off and you can feel the exhilaration flowing through your veins. It all just fits, the pavement under your feet, your steady breath, the pumping of your arms. And it feels good. It doesn't really matter what happened before you started running because it can't catch you here. Good or bad, it's behind you now.

However, just when you're really comfortable in your pace, slowly, but surely, it starts to happen. Maybe it's a cramp in your side or an old injury threatening to flare up, but something starts to throw your confidence. Is that a good ache or a bad ache? Maybe its not such a good idea to push yourself so hard... you do have a really busy day tomorrow. You try to brush it off, repeat that one phrase over and over hoping it will keep you going. For me, it's "Come on, Kristen. Get it together." in a pretty mean voice, which always makes me smirk because I'm never that mean to anyone. You're really pushing yourself now and you can feel every ounce of effort. Then, it appears. The Wall. Even when you know it's coming, it's still just as devastating. What do you do? Can you get over it? Go around it? Stop? There has to be some other way.

It's that moment right there that I run for. Because no matter how impossible the task in front of you seems, or how ugly that Wall looks, if you keep going an amazing thing will happen. No matter how much it hurts, if you keep that confidence in yourself, you'll dig deep and find that thing, that feeling that will keep you going. It's in that very moment that you catch a glimpse of what you are truly made of, just how much you can handle. And you know what? It's a lot more than you give yourself credit for. Suddenly, it's okay. Everything still hurts, it doesn't take the pain away or make the effort needed any less, but your perspective changes and it makes all the difference in the world. You can do it and you're going to do it, so you do.

And you know what the reward is? When you finally reach that point, the point when you're so close to your goal you can taste it, you're free. All your inhibitions and second-guesses just melt away. You don't need to worry about pace or if you're pushing too hard, you just run. Fast. Not only do you have enough to demolish that wall, but now you're flying, too. You don't even feel the pavement. The sprint home is completely self-indulgent, almost like your body's way of saying, "Good job, you passed the test. Now have some fun." And it is fun, all of it. That's why I keep going out there.